I had some close friends in Western. Konrad who came from a wealthy background was the first. A young woman tortured similarly to me by the voice in her head she called Satan. She was also the only other cutter in the group when I was there.
Konrad was as tall as me and nearly as thin. She always wore these big platform clogs that added another two inches to her height. Consequently, she often seemed taller. She had short, red hair and pale skin with freckles. She was either pacing, moving, and talking fast or overly drugged. There was nothing in the middle.
Her room was nearly across the hall from mine. She had a pentagon drawn on her floor with a small bowl of something that looked like dark blood. She mostly wore a dark purple, long flowing robe. I understood that she’d been in and out of Child Study for a long time. She was well to do so I guess her parents could afford it. I don’t remember her having a dad. But, her mom came to see her.
There was a profound sadness about Konrad. She once told me that she lived so close to Western that if she stood at a certain place she could see the roof of her house. That seemed terribly sad to me. I couldn’t see it. But, standing in the laundry room where she said she could see it out the back, I always looked.
We had a kind of kinship that she didn’t seem to have with anyone else except Cheri who was also at our end of the hall. They had both been there quite a bit longer than me and had hung out together during hard times.
Konrad seemed to be a lightning rod for the staff so I watched how she was treated and tried to learn from it. When Konrad got wound up, it would last for days. She paced constantly up and down the call, periodically yelling about problems with Satan. When it went on for too long, she would get a shot of Thorazine. Then she would sit in a lounge room for days and do nothing. From all appearances, she was gone. It made me sad.
Other times, she would be up in the middle of the night and crawl in bed with me. We tried not to let the night staff, Mary Bolton, know. I would open my covers for her and welcome her in. She was 17 and so older than me. But, I knew we were made of the same stuff.
Konrad was even more at risk of going to Mainside than I was. We were told that once we turned 18 we would age out of Child Study and be transferred to the main hospital. From what I could see of the people mindlessly shuffling around the grounds at the main hospital, this was not a good plan.
Konrad also appeared to be a favorite of Dr. Van Pattern, the psychiatrist. She was the only girl I was aware of that went directly to Van Pattern for therapy. I decided having therapy with Van Pattern was prestigious and committed myself to getting the same treatment. On the other hand, it didn’t seem to be working out so well for Konrad and Van Pattern was the one who ordered the Thorazine shots. I was never successful in this pursuit. All in all, it might not have been a bad thing.
* * * * * * *
Along with Sasifraz, I was still aware of Alfer Centurie, Lucifer, and Frobisher. I just didn’t know exactly who they were. Neither of the other three talked to me like Sasifraz. I was just aware of their separate lives and possibly their struggles.