There are a thousand different ways of being. I knew that and yet occasionally wondered if maybe there really was only one right way.
But the thought only lasted a short time as my heart inevitably returned to the truth in which I believed knowing that my way and several others I had noticed along the way were never accepted in that particular place and time. It was a given. I had to learn to accept myself on my own terms. Very few other people would. I certainly couldn’t count on them to do it for me.
There were other times in the past, though, when I could not accept myself on any terms. When I veered from side to side inside myself trying to find the right way to be. It did not seem to exist in those times but I kept looking.
Then there were disturbing characters in my mind. Each trying to help in his own way but only adding to the chaos.
I called them “The Mark.” A cast of thousands I suspected, but I only knew a few by name. Frobisher, Alfer Centurie, Lucifer Christopherson, and the ever powerful, ever present Sasifraz. Each had his own personality and unique way of relating to me.
Frobisher, a sailor, was down to earth and reliable. He might be found on a fishing boat.
Named after a solar system, Alfer Centurie was an astronomer looking for answers in the stars.
A confused Lucifer Christopherson worried he was named after Satan and felt alternately evil and very average. This troubled him. Did it mean average people were evil?
The all powerful Sasifraz was as near to King as The Mark ever had. His actions were confusing. He alternated between being despicably cruel to a strange mixture of compassion. No one failed to obey him. I trusted him at first but it didn’t take long for him to be more feared than loved.
Being young and inexperienced, I was unable to see past their individual frailties and glimpse my own truth. Instead, I thought the truth lay with them and not me.
This memoir does not purport to be the truth in any factual way. It is my experience and perceptions of what occurred. It may not reflect any other person’s reality, and I do not claim it to do so.