A young woman was chasing the adult me. She wore big metal rings with razor blades attached to them and was trying to cut me. I kept running and dodging the woman. Finally, I decided to turn and face the woman.
I grabbed the woman’s wrists but in the process cut my hand on a razor blade. At that point, the woman stopped resisting. I took one of the razor blades and told the woman, “Look, I can cut myself, all right?” The woman looked on approvingly as I cut my hand next to the other cut. “But, I don’t need any more cuts,” I said rolling up my left sleeve to show the woman my arm. “I’ve already got enough.”
I looked at the woman and the dream dissolved. I woke up shaking. I soon stopped. I didn’t feel all that stressed. I felt pretty successful. I had faced the woman and told her I’d had enough. I knew it was true but still had a little trouble believing it. “What else was it that I needed to learn?” I thought as if learning was a finite thing.
* * * * * * *
(1972)
The way to an understanding of Man’s innate goodness was through prayer in meditation according to the Reverend Adol. Meditation was what Brenda had Lucifer Christopherson working on the most. She felt that if Lucifer could let go of some of his negativity in a trance state he could work on letting go of it during normal consciousness.
The way to an understanding of Man’s innate goodness was through prayer in meditation according to the Reverend Adol. Meditation was what Brenda had Lucifer Christopherson working on the most. She felt that if Lucifer could let go of some of his negativity in a trance state he could work on letting go of it during normal consciousness.
Lucifer, to say the least, was not convinced. But, he was beginning to value his life at the commune enough to keep trying. He felt he had a place and a function there which was more than he could say for the outside world. Certainly, his mechanical skills were being utilized more than ever before. Communal life was dependent on repair and conservation of mechanical equipment.
Brenda was also very patient with Lucifer which helped him stick with his studies. “Close your eyes, Lucifer.” (The irony of that name never escaped Lucifer, but Brenda didn’t seem to notice.) He closed his eyes.
“Relax. Start with your toes. Move up your body. Feel the relaxation creeping in deep in your bones.”
Listening to Brenda’s voice always made Lucifer relax. Her voice was hypnotic, but as he went deeper, he seemed to hit a wall. “Lucifer, you are in touch with your natural state…your wisdom part…your natural goodness. There is no other truth. It is part of you.” He couldn’t feel it. His stomach would start to tighten even as he was supposed to be relaxing. He couldn’t believe such a thing was true. Despite all the magic Brenda wove around him with her words, at the point of hearing he was good, Lucifer jumped out of his meditative state. He very nearly jumped out of his skin.
He had no background for believing he had a right to goodness. Brenda encouraged his doggedness, though, by telling him he was brave to even try to accept it. Most people, she knew wouldn’t even try to face it. So, they kept at it. Between lessons, Lucifer kept the commune running smoothly.
* * * * * * *
Running scared. Alfer Centurie knew he was about to get in over his head. Sasifraz was supposed to be folk legend—a family myth. Definitely not the kind of thing one is to find in one’s bedroom at night. He tried to recall what his Parent had told him with little success.
At a very young age, he’d been told that Sasifraz was an evil spirit that appeared from time to time to past generations of his family. Unfortunately, now he could no longer remember exactly what the point of those visits were. He did remember that the spirit was supposed to be ruthless and determined.
“Ruthless and determined to do what?” Alfer Centurie couldn’t remember or was never told. He had thought it all sounded rather magical and a bit eccentric. Now, he believed he had a role to play in Sasifraz’s drama, and he “better not waste time finding out what it is.” The only connection that he was certain of was that the dream and the past life he had come to believe he experienced were connected.