The next day was a racquetball day. I came down with a blistering headache. Rahne and I had a racquetball date every Wednesday night. I had no intention of missing our date.
Rahne had been speaking to me about her need to stop talking about sex and making verbal love to me. It had begun to feel hurtful to Rahne. She didn’t want to betray Rose. But, this day, after Sasifraz’s revelation, I had come to a decision. All day I worked over in my mind the words I wanted to say to Rahne that night. “I know you told me you didn’t want to be emotional lovers any more. But, it’s time to face up to the fact that we already are lovers, and I want us to acknowledge that and be lovers.” I recited my speech to myself in the shower, when I ate, and all day long.
Finally, Rahne called about racquetball. I admitted I had a migraine but could Rahne come and pick me up anyway so we could talk? Rahne said, “Of course.”
Leslie’s sarcastic response was, “Oh, isn’t that nice. You’re such good friends she’d come over and pick you up so you don’t miss your date.”
* * * * * * *
Rahne and I were eager to talk. We both had things to say to each other. We’d both been thinking all day. Once we were settled on Rahne’s bed (I had to be prone), Rahne started. “I’ve been thinking about what’s happened and our talk about not being emotional lovers any more. I’ve had a realization that’s hard for me to say. I don’t know what it means. But, I need to say it, I’ve realized I’m in love with you.”
I started breathing again and said, “Well, I have a little speech to make.” I paused nervously, “I’ve realized that we already are lovers, and I want to start acting like it.”
“You do. We can?!” In that instant, things changed between us. Rahne laid down next to me. “Are we really going to do this? What about the six months of ecstasy and the three years of hell?” It was a long running joke between us as to why we couldn’t be lovers—that it wouldn’t work out well in the end.
I put my arms around Rahne and said, “Yes, we are. We’re gonna have to work on it really hard.”
Suddenly, a dam of electricity broke between us. We knew nothing was going to happen right away. But from that moment, things changed forever. A new door had opened, and we were going to walk through it together.
* * * * * * *
The true innocent adult bystander in all this was Rose. Rahne had realized when she told me that we had to stop talking about sex that she was going to break-up with Rose. But, Rose had been away on business, and Rahne had to wait to tell her.
In the meantime, Rahne and I realized the depths of our caring for each other now that Sasifraz was ceasing to be such a threat. Nevertheless, there was no way this picture didn’t look contrived. It was hurtful to Rose. The best Rahne and I could do was not consummate our loveship until Rahne had broken up with Rose. That happened pretty quickly after Rose got back in town. Rahne couldn’t even sleep through the night with such big issues looming.
Next, there was the fiery tempest of Leslie to resolve. Truly, this took every ounce of emotional strength I had garnered in my six years of counseling with BJ to get through. For Leslie, too, was a hall of mirrors reflecting one armada of anger after another. Leslie had been taught get-backs well. The further she got from her own pain, the more she acted out. The corollary seemed to be: The more get-backs she got, the further away she got from her own pain. This left precious little room for the care and nurturing of the Gentle Wind.