Getting rid of Leslie in my life to the greatest extent possible while retaining as much of my relationship with Adrian as I could took a really long time. For me, it felt like it took superhuman patience.
The problem was that I wasn’t sure how to quit living with Leslie and still see Adrian as much. Leslie was her usual unhelpful self. (I write this after five more years of dealing with her.) There were an interminable amount of steps to the problem requiring not only my patience but also the ability to stay focused in reality for extended periods of time. I wasn’t used to doing this. It was how I’d gotten into and stayed in relationship so long with Leslie in the first place.
Step 1: The Family Bed
I had increasingly felt uncomfortable sleeping with Adrian. I was never quite clear there was a difference between my sleeping with Adrian and my mother sleeping with me. However, Leslie proved to be a strong believer in the “Family Bed,” and my misgivings were deeply buried.
What I did know was if it had to be one of us sleeping with Adrian I wanted it to be me. I proved very, very adept at sleeping with an infant/toddler. Leslie complained of her sleep being interrupted. As a result, Adrian and I started sleeping in another bedroom long before we broke up.
While Adrian was nursing at night, I would bring her into Leslie twice a night. I would either wait for Adrian or Leslie would bring her back to me. Leslie espoused that this made me a saint of a lover. I knew it meant something altogether different, but I enjoyed Leslie’s appreciation any way. We never talked about what it might indicate about our relationship. I sure as hell wasn’t going to bring it up. I was happy and content to sleep away from Leslie. It wasn’t something I wanted to fix.
* * * * * * *
I recognized that there had to be a process of transitioning Adrian from sleeping every night with me as I did not wish to live with Leslie forever. I knew nights would have to be split. I wanted to ease Adrian into that change gently, because I knew it would be an important part to Leslie and I living apart. So, I proposed to Leslie that she and I alternate nights sleeping with Adrian. Leslie agreed (how could she not) and the new arrangement began.
It was hard for me to give up some of Adrian when Leslie was acting so threatening. But, I knew it was essential to Adrian’s well being to have as strong a foundation as possible for when Leslie and I stopped living together.