For me, it was like flying into a cloud bank. There was no rest for the wicked. Flying high with great visibility, and then nothing but impenetrable white everywhere.
So began a descent into my own private hell. Surely, I thought, it couldn’t get any worse. (But, I digress.)
* * * * * * *
From that point, Rahne and I resolved to do nothing quickly. Although, we experienced the anticipation of raging hormones. We had hugged and held each other for years with the occasional peck on the lips. After Rahne broke up with Rose, finally, our kisses could linger and our tongues introduce themselves to each other.
In the midst of this blossoming ecstasy, there was brewing trouble. The moments of peace were brief staccatos in my life of chaos punctuated by frequent calls to BJ.
“How are you doing with all this?”
“Well, Leslie’s being a shithead. Although, Sasifraz is being well behaved for the most part. Rahne and I talk all the time, and we’re talking about being lovers. And, its really overwhelming, and I’m not sure what to do exactly but I know I’ll get through this and….”
“Hold on. Hold on. What’s this? You and Rahne are talking about being lovers? She’s gonna break up with Rose. I think you’re moving way too fast here.”
“I know, but it has to be this way. I can’t turn back. I’ll explain it to you when I see you.”
I did explain it to BJ when I saw her. At least, I explained it as well as I could when I had omitted mentioning the possibility of being lovers with Rahne to BJ over the previous couple years. Denial’s such a wonderful thing.
“We’ve been talking about it forever. But, we knew we could either bring out the best in each other or bring out the worst. We’ve always said it would be six months of heaven and three years of hell with each other.”
“So, how are you going to make it any different?”
“We’re going to have to work like hell.”
“Specifically, what are you going to do differently?”
“I’m gonna keep talking to her no matter how difficult and not get a backlog of resentments.”
“Do you have a sense that you can do that?”
“I don’t know.”
* * * * * * *
Sasifraz, of course, was never satisfied. Although he had agreed to a behavior change, he was ever the motormouth. Change didn’t come easy in that department.
“You’re gonna fail. You’re gonna fail. You’ve destroyed your relationship with Rahne. Now, you’re gonna loose her. And, you’re gonna loose Adrian. Leslie’s gonna take her away.”
“Would you just chill out?” I pleaded.
“Oh sure, I can be quiet for a bit. But, when I come back, the truth will still be the same.”
“You know you could try and help me.”
“Help you. Ha! You don’t need any help to fail. You can do that just fine without me.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I mean, no. Oh, Sasifraz, stop it.”
“As you wish...for the moment.”
* * * * * * *
Then, there was the unfortunate matter of Leslie, Adrian, and I living together. I felt trapped. Leslie had every intention of holding me hostage over Adrian. It wasn’t long before I realized I would have to be the voice for health. I couldn’t wait for Leslie to notice what was unhealthy for the three of us.